If You Like Wolverine Clap Your Hands
by Anti-XYo
Summary: It's a song fic gone wrong. . . Scott and Jean try to teach the new recruits, Lance trys to win Kitty's heart through song, Logan gets stuck. . .
1. If You Like Wolverine Clap Your Hands

If You Like Wolverine Clap Your Hands  
  
by ProFool  
  
Original song lyrics from "Spider-man and Friends" For those of you who have not had the . . . err. . . luck, yeah that's a good word to have heard this . . . um . . . . . . yeah . . . Inspiring CD that invokes so many emotions: amusement, fear, hatred, depression. Well the main singers are a random blues clues reject type guy and some lady that reminds me of the crocodile hunter's wife. Anyway when I heard this CD I immediately got this image in my head of Scott and Jean leading sing-allonges with the new recruits. Like that would ever happen. . .  
  
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The new recruits guys trudged as slowly as possible down the hall towards Scott and Jeans 'classroom'. Since the two older mutants had graduated the Professor made them instructors in hopes that this addition to the staff may quell Logan's belief that tanks were becoming necessity. So far, however, all Jean and Scott's "Application of Physics, Mathematics, and other such subjects that baffled Jamie's mind, within the strategic usage of mutant powers" had only served to irritate the younger mutants and provoked them into bad, if not destructive, behavior.  
  
"I still don't see why we don't ditch, I mean if we all did it they couldn't punish us." Ray thought allowed hoping that this time the others would follow his lead in rebelling against their instructors.  
  
"I know, it's not like their gonna make us do survival training like Logan." Bobby added annoyed by the whole situation.   
  
"It wasn' tah bad durin' the summah, but ah got a test tomorrah. How'm ah gonna study if ah'm forced tah listen tah Jean an' Scott ramble on abou' physics?" Sam asked worriedly.  
  
"Well if it's a physics test, then this class might actually help." Roberto suggested seeing as he was the only one that showed any support for these sessions at all.  
  
"But it ain't physics," Sam sighed, "It's English."  
  
"At least you guys know what physics is," Jamie grumbled, "I'm not even sure what kinda math it is."  
  
"Uh, Jamie, physics is a science." Roberto said looking down at the younger boy.  
  
"It is?" Jamie questioned with a look of awe.   
  
The guys arrived outside the 'classroom' door. None of them checked to see if it was open, because none of them desired to enter yet, if ever. There they waited, Roberto tried in vain to explain physics in terms Jamie could understand, while the others simply whined and complained without actually accomplishing anything in particular. Then Amara appeared from around the corner.   
  
"Hi guys, guess who I brought!" Amara greeted them cheerfully.  
  
"Logan?" Bobby asked almost pleadingly.   
  
"An over achieving loser? Oh, wait Roberto's already here." Ray quipped, receiving a glare from said over achieving loser.  
  
"Uh. . .no, I brought Tabitha." Amara stated happily just as Tabitha rounded the corner.  
  
"Hmm, Tabitha locked in a small room with Scott and Jean." Bobby pondered out-loud "This could definitely liven things up."  
  
Almost as if summoned by their names Scott and Jean showed up. Right away the new recruits knew something was terribly wrong. Jean wore her usual benevolent smile, but Scott had a very uncharacteristic smirk plastered on his face. Without a word the two of them opened up the 'classroom' and the new recruits filed in taking whatever seat appealed to them.  
  
"I'm glad to see that none of you tried to ditch today." Jean said warmly "Oh, and welcome Tabitha. What brings you here?"  
  
"Hey Jean, well I'm not doin' so good in math and my girl Amara told me about your little study group so I decided to check it out." Tabby answered back only giving Jean half her attention. All the students were mainly interested in Scott, who appeared to be setting up a CD player at the moment. "What's Scooter-boy doin'?"  
  
"Well Scott and I found an article on how music can help people learn, so from now on we'll be listening to Mozart while in these sessions." Jean stated matter of factly. There was a general groan from the students about this new torment their instructors had devised.   
  
"Actually, Beast couldn't find the Mozart CD so I just grabbed one off the shelf." Scott said as he turned on the CD player. Immediately the tune to "She'll be coming round the mountain when she comes" filled the room, but it had quite decidedly different lyrics.  
  
Let me introduce you to a girl whose name is Storm  
  
She has a super power that's quite outside the norm  
  
You see she can change the weather anytime at all  
  
She can do it in the summer winter spring or fall  
  
"Uh, Scott. . ."  
  
Storm can change the weather anytime oh yeah  
  
Storm can change the weather anytime oh yeah  
  
She can make it rain or snow  
  
She can make the cold wind blow  
  
Yeah Storm can change the weather anytime oh yeah  
  
"Sing allonges! I, like, love these!"  
  
Storm can change the weather any day splash splash  
  
Storm can change the weather any day splash splash  
  
If there's a hurricane  
  
She can stop the rain rain rain  
  
Yeah Storm can change the weather any day splash splash  
  
"Ah'm startin' tah miss Mozart"  
  
  
  
Storm can change the weather just like that yes sir  
  
Storm can change the weather just like that yes sir  
  
So if its cloudy have no fear   
  
She'll make those clouds disappear  
  
Yeah Storm can change the weather just like that yes sir  
  
"MAKE IT STOP!"  
  
Storm can change the weather in a snap  
  
Storm can change the weather in a snap  
  
When she wants to have some fun  
  
at the beach she brings the sun  
  
Yeah Storm can change the weather in a snap  
  
"I can't find the off button. . ."  
  
Now Storm can change the weather really fast ye ha   
  
Storm can change the weather really fast ye ha  
  
Before you can count to ten  
  
She can change it once again  
  
Yeah Storm can change the weather really fast ye ha  
  
"Hey, like, what are you guys doing with my CD?" Kitty asked as she watched Scott unplug the CD player.  
  
"Can you burn me a copy!" Tabby called across the room.  
  
"Maybe Scott can . . . Anyways Logan's ready to start the new recruit's survival training." Kitty said before heading back down the hall.  
  
"YES! FREEDOM!" Bobby shouted as he and the others ran.  
  
"So, that was Kitty's favorite CD. . . That gives me an idea." Scott thought to himself.  
  
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Later. . . Lance was waiting outside of the Institute for Kitty when Scott came walking up with a CD player.  
  
"What do you want, Summers?" Lance asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, the Professor always says we should be building bridges with the Brotherhood, not burning them." Scott sighed.  
  
"I think Pyro's got that end pretty well covered." Lance stated flatly.  
  
"I was going to let you listen to one of Kitty's favorite CD's" Scott said turning on the CD player.  
  
La la la la la la la la la la la la la  
  
If you like Wolverine clap your hands and count to three  
  
If you like Wolverine do it just like me  
  
"Go away and let us never speak of this meeting again." Lance said reaching over and turning off the CD player.  
  
"Okay. . ." Scott said before stalking off.  
  
"So, that was Kitty's favorite CD. . . That gives me an idea." Lance thought to himself.  
  
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"If you like Avalanche stamp your foot!" Lance shouted up at Kitty's window later that night.   
  
"Alright, bub, this serenade over." Logan growled as he dashed out of the institute.  
  
"If you like Avalanche stamp your foot!" Lance continued oblivious to the Wolverine that was about to lunge at him from the fountain. Lance stamped his foot and the earth shook in response knocking the sculpted angel off the fountain and onto Logan.  
  
"Ow." Logan muttered.  
  
"Lance?" Kitty asked drowsily poking her head out the window, "What are you doing?"  
  
"Singing." Lance called up to her.  
  
"Well, get out of here before Logan finds you." Kitty called back earnestly.  
  
"Oh. . ." Lance looked around wearily as if expecting Wolverine to jump out of thin air. "Alright, I'll see you tomorrow."   
  
"'Kay, goodnight Lance!" Kitty shouted after him as he jumped back over the fence, then she shut her window.  
  
"Little help." Logan called out to the night air, "Anyone? Aw, common this things got me pinned. . . Hello. . . . . . . . . I really hope Chuck, finds me before the new recruits do. . . la la la la la la la la la la la la la. . .  
  
The End   
  
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Like this story? Click on the name, Anti-XYo. Reviews are cool too! Even if they are death threats. . . 


	2. If You Like Avalanche Stomp Your Foot

If You Like Wolverine Clap Your Hands  
  
by ProFool  
  
This fic was originally designed to be a one shot, but people reviewed and wanted another chapter. In truth I didn't do this to please reviewers, I did this cause we started listening to that blasted CD again! Curse you "Spider-man and Friends"! So, here we go with two more songs from that ever so popular CD, which I have been using as a cheap form of torture . . . they deemed Phantom of the Opera too cruel . . . I like the Phantom, he reminds me of Toad. Raoul needs death in large quantities . . . what was I doing again? Whoa, random tangent! Can that count as a disclaimer? I think so.   
  
Warning: The song "If You('ve) Got Power" should NOT be played around impressionable smallish children. Just think they may grow up to dislike or even hate the Brotherhood, how anyone could not like them . . . it hurts the brain. So, please if you do not wish your impressionable smallish children to turn out like Scott and/or Jean gone fascist do not, I repeat do not let them hear or read the lyrics of "If You('ve) Got Power", thank you.   
  
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Logan dragged himself into the living room there he spotted the 'Half-Pint' he'd been looking for since he had escaped the new recruits and a certain statue earlier that day. He was soaked to the adamantium bone from Bobby's brilliant idea of sliding him out from under the statue which had ultimately failed. Then Tabby, whom had decided to throw herself a sleep over, proved that 'boom booming' a statue was one sure fire way to free a trapped Wolverine. Although, it also gave said Wolverine's costume some strategic tears (insert fan girls random screaming here. *covers ears* fan girls scare me.)   
  
"Half-Pint, I think we need to talk." Logan groaned.  
  
"Sure thing Mr. Logan, like, what happened?" Kitty asked looking very concerned.  
  
"The new recruits happened, ya know why? Cause I was pinned under a statue. Ya know why? Cause someone Avalanched it on top of me last night!" Logan growled.  
  
"Oh." Kitty said looking a bit guilty.  
  
"Here's the deal Half-Pint, either you go over and fix those boys or I will." Logan stated unsheathing his claws.  
  
"Okay," Kitty sighed considering her new appointed task, then she received a brilliant idea, "Don't worry Mr. Logan I know just how to teach them." Kitty smiled as she went to grab the one thing that could teach the Brotherhood the error of their ways.   
  
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Later at the Brotherhood of Bayville Boarding House . . . Lance was attempting to drown out the typical chaos associated with the Brotherhood by wearing headphones hooked up to his electric guitar. He hadn't seen Toad for a while which was odd, but Freddy and their newest brother John, A.K.A. Pyro, A.K.A. Flamethrower Man, were making enough noise in the kitchen. Then there was Pietro . . . Where was Pietro? Before Lance could ponder further the speedster zipped by knocking Lance's headphones off.  
  
"Thanks a lot Pietro." Lance growled sarcastically, although Pietro was already in the foyer. Answering the door by the sounds of it.  
  
"We don't want any!" Pietro shouted before he finished opening the door, then he realized it was Kitty. "Oh! Well-if-it-isn't-slowpoke-Kitty-Pryde. Lemme guess, you're here for our resident rock-head?"  
  
Almost as if on cue Lance walked into the foyer. "Hey, Kitty! Why're you here?" Lance asked in a decidedly happier mood.  
  
"Hmm, I dunno Lance," Pietro quipped, "maybe she came to see Toad."   
  
"Shut up, Pietro!" Lance snapped.  
  
"Actually," Kitty inserted before the boys could start a fight, "Mr. Logan brought me here to talk to all of you." She said opening the door a bit more to reveal Wolverine sitting on his motorcycle not too far off.  
  
Both boys paled slightly and brought Kitty inside. "What does he want?" Pietro asked warily eyeing the door as if Wolverine might slice through it at any moment.  
  
"Nothing much he just thought I should explain a few things to you, like, what's right and what's wrong, so I brought a CD." Kitty responded.  
  
It was at this point that Freddy and John decided to poke their heads out of the kitchen. "Wha's that Sheila doin' here?" John asked curiously.  
  
"We have to listen to some CD or Wolverine's gonna kill us." Lance said bluntly.  
  
"Oh." John said, "Well lets hear it!"  
  
Kitty placed the CD in the Brotherhood's stereo system and turned it to track nine "If You('ve) Got Power".  
  
With great power comes great responsibility . . .  
  
"What . . . wait . . ."  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
Cause it don't mean nothin' if you don't do what you should  
  
Just like Spidey does in his neighborhood  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
"Who?"  
  
There are some people who have very bad plans  
  
They use their power in the worst way that they can  
  
But they've got lots of enemies not a lot of friends   
  
Cause they keep hurting people again and again  
  
And Spidey's gonna get them in the end  
  
"Hmm, I know someone like that. His plan involved a train . . ."  
  
So if you've got power better use it to do good  
  
Cause it don't mean nothin' if you don't do what you should  
  
Just like Spidey does in his neighborhood  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
  
  
"Great it's got a chorus line . . ."  
  
Spiderman is powerful Spiderman is strong  
  
But Spiderman knows right from wrong  
  
And he's got a message for you and me  
  
Yes he's got a message so listen carefully  
  
He says with great power comes great responsibilty   
  
"Who? What are they talking about?"  
  
So if you've got power better use it to do good  
  
Cause it don't mean nothin' if you don't do what you should  
  
Just like Spidey does in his neighborhood  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
"Is Spider man gonna get us?"   
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
Cause it don't mean nothin' if you don't do what you should  
  
Just like Spidey does in his neighborhood  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
"I don't think he's real Fred."  
  
  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
If you've got power better use it to do good  
  
  
  
"What kind of name is Spiderman, anyway?" Pietro asked astonished by the sure stupidity of it all.   
  
"Same kind of name as Toad. Where is he anyway?" Lance asked the other three boys.   
  
"I locked him in the closet." Pietro said in a bored fashion.  
  
"Great," Lance sighed sarcastically, "which closet?"  
  
"Hall closet, upstairs." Pietro responded as he snatched John's lighter before he could set the stereo system on fire.  
  
"I think Pietro needs to hear one more song." Kitty giggled to herself.   
  
Pietro looked at her as though she'd grown another head, "No, really, I think I've listened to one song too many already."  
  
"Yup, I'm gonna go let Toad outta that closet now." Lance said before running up the stairs.  
  
"I'll listen as long as it doesn't have that creepy Spider-guy in it." Freddy said crossing his arms defiantly.  
  
"I'm with ya on that one mate, these songs are great!" John laughed.  
  
"Hey! I've got an idea, you guys stay here and listen to this, err, music." Pietro said edging closer to the front door, "I'll just be going . . ."  
  
"Did you forget about Mr. Logan?" Kitty beamed as she switched it to track 12 "Nobody Likes A Bully".  
  
"I hate you." Pietro grumbled as he sat down on the couch resigned to his fate.  
  
Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
In the playground or at school  
  
In the park or at the pool  
  
Spidey and friends say bullies just ain't cool  
  
Cause Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
Nobody no no no   
  
Nobody uh uh uh  
  
Nobody nobody at all  
  
  
  
"Great, more Spidey. . ."  
  
Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
So if you pull somebodies hair  
  
Just cause your bigger that's no fair  
  
When you play think what Spidey and friends would say  
  
Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
Nobody no no no   
  
Nobody uh uh uh  
  
Nobody nobody at all  
  
"Set Pietro's hair on fire, gotcha."  
  
Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
So if you call someone a name  
  
Then you're a bully just the same  
  
So when you play think what Spidey and friends would say  
  
Nobody likes a bully nobody at all  
  
Nobody no no no   
  
Nobody uh uh uh  
  
Nobody nobody at all  
  
Nobody no no no   
  
Nobody uh uh uh  
  
Nobody nobody at all  
  
  
  
"Okay, no-more-music! Bye-Kitty. We'll-miss-you." Pietro said rushing Kitty out the door.   
  
"Aye, Pietro, Can I have my lighter back?" John queried as spun back around.  
  
"No!" Pietro shouted.  
  
"No, need to be such a bully about it." John sulked, "Didn't you listen to any of those songs? They said 'if you got fire better use it to burn good guys'."  
  
"Um, I thought they said something else." Freddy shrugged.  
  
"Close enough, mate." Pyro replied.  
  
"It's good to know those songs had no lasting effects on you idiots." Pietro said as Toad bound down the stairs.   
  
"Somethin's wrong with Lance, yo." Todd said shaking his head.  
  
"What's wrong with Lance? He was fine a couple minutes ago." Freddy asked a bit concerned.  
  
Then Lance came walking down the stairs singing, "If You Like Avalanche Stomp Your Foot."  
  
"Oh no." Pietro sighed exasperated.  
  
"CURSE YOU SPIDERMAN AND FRIENDS!!!!!" Freddy yelled shaking his fist at the stereo system.  
  
  
  
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ProFool: Okay that should be the end to this madness unless more people review wanting me to continue and I end up listening to the CD again. If you liked this Story click on the name we got more crazy junk . . . well not this crazy, maybe there is the one with Scott . . . and that fair one . . .   
  
Just so I don't get killed by Spidey fans, I'll have ya know I like Spidey, he saved comic-verse Toad! Go Spidey! We here at Anti-XYo just thought the BroHoodBoys would dislike him seeing as he is kinda a good guy and all and he's telling them what to do with their powers through song. 


End file.
